Wednesday, July 25, 2018

I don't what the experience of other people were at a young age but I experienced a lot of horrific stuff as a kid and it really left me with a bizarre perspective on life.  I can easily see why other people who had any sort of similar upbringing could be a toxic adult.

 But if my specific case I ended up stunting my life working in thankless public service when I clearly had the work ethic and ability to make a much better living in other fields.  I have destroyed my own potential but I haven't really been a toxic person to other people.

But I still have this understanding of how a shitty childhood can teach someone that being an asshole to others is not only OK but literally the only way to survive.

 My own brother for example was a piece of human garbage once became a teen and got nothing but rewarded for it.  He is older than me and still getting money from my parents to live on the East coast.  Meanwhile I was homeless in my early twenties and my parents didn't care.

 So I just don't know.  I don't want to encourage toxic people but I fully understand how a person can easily become someone like that and be rewarded for it.  These people weren't coddled.  They were abused until they figured out how to be the abuser.

 At the same time I am not one of these toxic people.  I don't want to defend their actions.  I don't know if there is really anything I can do that I am not already doing.

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